Omigod! Don’t you love my new slut photo? I’m totally putting it up on my myspace page!
It seems like just yesterday when my brother got that job at Best Buy (you go, bro! So proud of you!) and he stole me that digital camera. I’ve always kinda wondered what my titties would look like on the big Dell screen, so I bit my lip and snapped a pic. And I was like, holy Sex and the City! I am totally gonna be the nexxxt Forbidden!
Forbidden is my fucking hero. Even her name is like totally genius and ironic n stuff. You know, like she’s forbidden like you can’t really “have” her, but really all you have to do is friend request her and she can be in your number one spot – like she is in mine. She didn’t respond to my “Thanxxx for the add!” or anything. But that’s cuz she’s “Forbidden!”
I’ve gotta start working on my myspace name. I was thinking something like “Cum out and play.” Get it? It makes me sound like totally hot and willing, but kinda innocent and schoolgirlishy too. Guyz like that. And it shows I’m more than just super hot but totally fucking clever. LOL! Fucking clever. Get it? I’m on a roll today!
Or maybe I’ll just go with something straight-forward like WetBoXXX or Bunny Fuxx. Cuz, gosh! Puns are really smart n stuff. I’d like totally hate to confuse my audience.
My audience, by the way, is huge. I’ve got 378 friends and counting. Only like, celebrities and porn stars have more than that. And I’m practically a celebrity myself considering that most of my friends are bands and famous people!
Speaking of celebrities, guess which Sex and the City character I am? Well as if you couldn’t figure it out already, as my page says, duh, I’m totally Samantha! When I took the quiz I was scared I was gonna end up being that tight twated Miranda, so I made sure I answered every question as slutty…I mean as “sexually liberated” as possible. And, viola! Samantha! And those tests are proven scientific evidence.
So what if I’m not really that hot in person? Who needs to be pretty when you can just master the “angles?” I've gotten really good at tilting my face in the cum-fuck-me style. But the best are the ones where you can't see my face or anything, so it makes me all boobs, baby! I fucking love my boobs. Even tho they’re a little lopsided, they were seriously the best present I could have gotten for passing my GED. Thanks, Uncle Steve!
But let’s get it straight. Just cuz I got a twat shot addiction, I AM NOT A SLUT! I’m just celebrating the beauty of the female form n stuff. And what's wrong with a little self luuuv? I mean, really. How could I be a slut when my profile says “in a relationship," duh! And I’m practically a virgin because finger fucking does not count! Man, is my ass sore.
But honestly, guyz. I think this new photo is the best one yet. A few more like this and I’m totally gonna high tail it outta here to the big city. Tallahassee, here I come! Maybe Uncle Steve will let me borrow his Hyundai. I’ll ask “nicely.”
Update: For the fucking record, since there seems to have been some confusion, THAT IS NOT ME! Nor is this post ABOUT ME. Instead of ranting about all those stupid girls who take these kids of pictures of themselves, I did it this way. Geez, people.