remember when i used to be famous? no? yeah, i figured. because it's been a few thousand lunches since my blogger "limelight" was eclipsed by an endless shadow of unproduced advertising briefs. but here again today i find myself uncharacteristically unburdened by a 15 hour workload and all the galleries are closed. it's monday. fala-la-la-la-la.
as much as a loathe writing (there, i finally admitted it) and detest making ads even more, it would seem reasonable to assume a break from this double barrel nightmare would color me sunny in my happy-pants. but as the ever spinning anxiety galaxy in my general chest/gut area reminds me, no. not happy. no pants.
here's a photo i took, because words without pictures can suck
i don't think i'll ever "be" happy. forgive the new age-gypsy speak, but i realized something in yoga yesterday. (please, hold your eye rolls until the end). yoga is basically a set of poses. and just like most things, you have the choice to recreate the pose with every last tendon in your body, or half ass it. (which, i admit is what i do half the time...however, it's usually out of of fear more than laziness. but that's another therapy session.) here's the thing: besides the obvious benefits lost in a job halfway done, i realized there's a lot of stuff – bad stuff, the kind of stuff you exercise to purge – stay trapped inside you. an easy conclusion to reach thanks to the physicality of yoga. (i don't think this experience is limited to yoga, by the way. years of running have just restricted my knees to non-pounding exercise.) holding back ultimately leads to closing up. and if my 18 years of living with a bible thumper/parent can attest, constantly hiding/ keeping it all in, will land you on a therapist couch pretty quickly. but it doesn't make sense. i have a career, boyfriends, friends...what do you mean i'm depressed? so my very long winded semi-yoda/chicken-puke-for-the-soul point is this: no-half assing the poses. because the benefits aren't limited to the skills gained. it's the release of everything else. and as it is in yoga, so it is in writing. (because that happens to be what i do for a living.) you gotta go for it. else the negative shit gets trapped. and as with any practice, you'll suck until you get better. you have to write every day. come briefs or boredom. hence we have here a shitty blog entry. but i feel a little better. and if you want to read something more entertaining, feel free to scroll through the past entries. because my blog was on gawker once, twice.