Sunday, November 13, 2005

pigs in a blanket

On the train to work Saturday night, I tried to convince myself that I was lucky. Yeah, I don’t have a job yet and my schedule has reduced my Rican visitation rights down to about 2.5 hrs per week. But, even though the night would earn me 600 dollars so I could afford new boots at 300 dollars, as if I’m living in a fucking Mastercard commercial, I’ve learned that respect is priceless.

And there’s no better way to win the no respect contest than when your job decides to host a sweet sixteen birthday party, and turns you into a teenager’s servant.

Just like any other party, they made us treat it like it was for a bunch of relatively sane 35yr olds. We had to pass hors d’oeuvres and then run a buffet. (I use the term “hors d’oeuvres” loosely since it was mostly chicken fingers and pigs in a blanket.) But they forgot one thing. Kids don’t want to eat. Kids want to fuck. Adults get older, realize all the problems and hassle that comes with fucking, and settle down by the buffet. But these kids snubbed me and my chicken like I was carrying a Saturday night math assignment in favor of starting an orgy on the dance floor.

“I know I didn’t act like that when I was sixteen,” I told the chef as brought an ignored tray of mozzarella sticks down to the kitchen.

Upstairs in the main room, everyone watched the dance floor orgy in horror, convinced they’d always possessed the maturity of 35 year olds. But the truth is at sixteen we all acted the same way. I probably would have chugged a cup of vodka outside, came in and made out with some 10th grader. Then, like they looked at me and the food I was carrying with pity, I too probably would have rolled my eyes at the nobody waitresses. Because I was in national honor society for fuck’s sake. These girls didn’t deserve any respect. Maybe if they would have known their adult life would be reduced to serving chicken fingers to high school students they would have thought twice about studying for that algebra test, now wouldn’t they? Then they could have gone to a little something called “college” and avoid this whole embarrassing blue-collar mess.

“I hope this is a new low for me,” said my fellow high school servant coworker. “I hope this is the lowest I’m gonna go.”

Feeling as big as an hors d’oeuvre, I slumped my shoulders over and sighed. My job pays the bills and affords the boots, but it can’t ever buy me the thing I want most.

There was only about a half hour left of the party. A few of the kids reconsidered some of the food, and came to the buffet for a serving. But most of the early bumpin’ and grindin’ had turned into rhythmic make out sessions on the dance floor.

“If I was a rich girl
na na na na na na na na na na na…” sang Gwen Stefani on the speakers.

And my inner DJ replied,

“I could tell all these kids to go fuck themselves
If I was a wealthy giiiiiiiirl.”


Jaime Schwarz said...

Since I've never truly hit rock bottom, I must ask this question because you seem set on getting there: how do we definitively know that we've hit rock bottom? We all hear the stories of other people's rock bottoms and they sound pretty bad, but when I'm in my bad place, fellow gemini, I don't think "this is it," I wonder what the next bad thing is gonna be. And then I eat one of those chicken fingers. Well, at least I know I'm not a teenager anymore and that chicken fingers come first.

RBrown said...

You reference the sanity of 35 year olds which is kind of ironic cause right now I'm wishing for a cup of vodka to chug before going in to a party to get some delicious (and free) chicken fingers. Where I would then most assuredly OVERTIP and RESPECT my lovely and talented server.

Don't feel bad, Concha. Your day will come. You will have the boots AND the respect. But sadly, we'll all still be trying to crack briefs on how to sell these bitches some french fries, mascara, tampons and diet soda.

melvin said...

um. who is allowed to go to a party at a club at the age of 16?! that is insane.

o right...they are rich kids from the upper east side...who are likely to grow up and attend the ivies (via their parents name) only to get out and be forced to work in finanical banking or go to law school to become a libel lawyer. then marry someone from "their class" of high society and of their religion.

and one day "they" will hit rock bottom. the bottom of never becoming "oneself" because they were too busy avoiding chicken fingers and denying they minds curosity. they were too busy trying to fit into the mold of acceptence.

i feel sorry for them.

heidi said...

Oh concha, I feel for you greatly. AT my second job (the one that makes it so my rent check doesn't bounce) I regularly deal with ones. The kind that can fork over 75 dolla' to have their phone covered in shwarovski crystals and say shit like "I'm getting another phone too cause sometimes I get bored with my phone". At 35 I feel less than sometimes but then I realize, those kids will never have the heart or character I have gained form NOT being a spoiled mess. Yer paying your dues and when it'll be part of whatever fantastic club you want. Hang in there!
(came via Bacon Grease)

concha said...

thanks, man. and really, it's not so bad. would i ever learn how to market chicken fingers to the 14-18 age group if i never experienced it first hand?

a.k.a suck it said...

Well concha we know where we are going and you know that right now it's what pays our $300 dolla boots and alittle more while we reach our goals. So just hang in there alittle bit longer and then you'll see how a whole person should be :)